Friday, December 04, 2009

It's snowing and people are freakin out

It may be a sign of The End Times.

If it is, cancellation of the following local events will be the least of your problems.

However, as a public service, people in the heart of the Petrochemical Underarm of Texas might wants to know that:

• The Heart of Christmas in Angleton will not take place. No decision has been made on whether it will be rescheduled.

• The Nash 3 concert presented by the Exchange Club of Angleton has been canceled and will not be rescheduled.

• The Festival of Carols at Brazosport College has been postponed until Monday night.

• Brazosport College Drama Department's performance of "Sorry Wrong Chimney" will go on as scheduled at 8 p.m. today.

On football: Big 12 Champs & Texans-Jags


We see via our favorite sports betting emporium that the Texas Longhorns are 14.5 point favorites over the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Saturday night's Big 12 Championship game at JerryWorld in Arlington, Texas.

That's a lot of points to give in a football contest if you like the Longhorns. Be that as it may, we think the Longhorns will cover. Our advice is to go with the Horns if you are wagering, which we are not doing.

The other football contest that's of great interest in the Petrochemical Underarm of Texas is the NFL matchup between the Houston Texans and the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday.

The betting line at our favorite online sports betting emporium has the Texans as 1-point underdogs.

We'd take the Texans if we were wagering, which we're not, even though the Texans, quite frankly, have underachieved this year given the level of the athletic talent on the roster.

Texans owner Bob McNair has hinted that this contest is of utmost importance. A number of professional sports writers have taken this to mean that if the Texans lose on Sunday, Head Coach Gary Kubiak could lose his job. We have no idea if this is true.

The Texans-Jags game is not even a sellout in Jacksonville, which is truly pathetic because this game is as critical for the Jaguars as it is for the Texans.

It adds further ammo for those that say J'ville really is not a big league town and doesn't deserve an NFL franchise.

The Jaguars supposedly are for sale, though owner Wayne Weaver, denies it, but the scuttlebutt is he's willing to sell to someone who agrees to keep the team in northeast Florida. This significantly reduces the number of potential buyers who would be reluctant to invest $600 million to $800 million into a pro football team stuck in Jacksonville.

Look at the geographics of it. To their north lies South Carolina and North Carolina; to their northweast lies Georgia, populated by stone-cold Falcons fans, and to their south within the state of Florda are the Buccaneers and Dolphins. Jacksonville is surrounded!

In our opinion, Florida has one too many pro football teams, especially in this poor economy that has hit Florida particularly hard. (We read in the NY Times about a week ago that around 40 percent of Florida's homeowners have negative equity in their homes. We did a spit-take while sipping our Metamucil when we read that statistic.)

Our advice to Mr. Weaver and the other NFL powers-that-be: send the J'ville franchise to LA or San Antonio. Jacksonville will get over it.

We think San Antonio would do backflips for an NFL team and would be willing to cough up enough public monies to get a stadium built. Of course, we're fairly sure that Texans owner Bob McNair and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who both reportedly wield considerable influence in the league, wouldn't be too crazy about another NFL franchise in the Lone Star State.


(Editor's note: We have become apprised recently that the Federal Trade Commission now requires bloggers to disclose any financial arrangement they might have with certain business persons of whom they blog about. With that in mind we would like our readers and the United States federal government to know that we have an advertising agreement with Bodog, our favorite online sports betting emporium, with whom we've never placed a wager. As part of our advertising agreement, Bodog has asked that we place one hyperlinked mention of their sports betting emporium in one post in The Brazosport News, along with a standing hyperlink to Bodog that you might have noticed in the right sidebar, which has been there around 3 years or so. The Brazosport News neither condones nor discourages placing monetary wagers on sporting events, believing that citizens should what they want with their money, so long as it does no unnecessary harm to themselves, their friends and loved one, or the The Republic as a whole. The Brazosport News also acknowledges that gambling is addictive for some persons and is an acknowledged "illness" in the eyes of most psychiatrict/addiction professionals. Go Horns!)

Thursday, December 03, 2009

For $50, you now can get married in a Houston dance hall

There's a new business in Houston designed for the get-married-quick crowd, we read here in The River Oaks Examiner.

Channel 39 already has jumped on the story (see embedded viddy), choosing to focus on the really quick, spur-of-the moment, let's-fuckin'-do-it, walk-up marriage crowd. Those ceremonies all take place at the West Wind Club, conveniently located off Hwy 290 between the Sam Houston Tollway and The Loop, for only 50 bucks. There's a bar there.

The downside of that option, apparently, is that the preacher on call wears a big black cowboy hat.

And forget a sunrise ceremony. You can only do the walk-up, super quickie marriage between the hours of 4 p.m. and 1 a.m. There could be a whiff of stale beer in the air, too, though we're not sure.

 

If you want to avoid the ambience of a dance hall, there are any number of other options available by getting married via getmarriedinhouston.com.

You pick the place, time, etc.

There's no getmarriedinouston.com wedding chapel per se, all the better to contain overhead costs and give you, the marital consumer, the best possible product for you hard-earned dollars.

It looks like all the non-quickie marriage options entail dealing, at one time or another, with Paul House (as opposed to the preacher on call at the dance hall, who may be wearing a large black cowboy hat.)

Paul, we are told, was "reared" in a Christian home, and his

"biblical exploration led him to break down passages into individual word studies drilling down to the root languages of the Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic. Throughout this detailed analysis of God’s Word, it revealed the simplistic and overlying principle of God’s Word…… God is Love!

"Paul’s personable demeanor naturally puts others at ease and makes him very approachable. He makes no pretense of being perfect or above others as clergy, but rather encourages people to look towards God’s Word to discover the simple truth that God loves each and every one of us.

"As a wedding minister, Paul has a gentle style and smoothly improvises when things do not go exactly as planned. He tells couples to not worry during the ceremony, but to relax and he will subtly give cues and direction as needed throughout the ceremony. "


If you write you own vows, Paul advises that you "keep it short."

Also, it costs more than $50 to get married via the non-quickie method, but I'll be damned if I could find anywhere on the getmarriedinhoustondotcom Web site exactly how much, although the downpayment required is a hundred bills.

No worries, though. We're sure the cost is reasonable. And look at what you're getting -- a lifetime of happiness.

You've got to hand it to the Taiwanese -- they know how to cover a Big Story

Reports Dvice

While Western news channels have been full of the usual archive footage of: Tiger's house; Tiger and wife; Tiger holding golf trophies aloft; TIger excavating his nose for gold-plated boogers, the hi-tech nations of the Far East have gone one further. Taiwanese channel Apple Action News has cranked the silly-o-meter up to eleven with an animated graphics reconstruction of what happened between Mr Golf and his Missus — and sweet Jesus and all the baby angels, it's tacky.


A new face in Bloggerville


The James A. Baker III Institute for Public Policy has decided to provide us with a "blog."

It'll be hosted on the Houston daily newspaper's Web site, but it will NOT be edited by the newspaper, which probably is a good thing as they seem to have their hands full.

We're guessing the think tank's blog won't be heavy on the snark and contain a lot of F-bombs.

Good. Enough of that around already.

The JABIPP (we just created that acronmy for the Rice U.-based institute; we think it's catchy) also recently plunged into Twitter, Facebook and launched a newsletter you can sign up for right here.

Welcome to Bloggerville, JABIPP!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Marlana Aref: Sis-boom-bah

Because I love football, and in an effort to boost our declining traffic, we present Marlana Aref, a cheerleader for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.



Is this wrong?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Remembering John Whitmire, reporter


Above you will see a photo of reporters, photographers and one editor gathered in the newsroom of the late, lamented Houston Post newspaper to commemorate John Whitmire Day.


John is the fellow with the hangdog expression seated on the stool, holding his ever-present cup of machine coffee. John, who died of an aortic aneurysm around '96, was known for wearing essentially the same thing to work everyday: navy blue sportcoat, dress shirt buttoned to the toppermost of the poppermost, no tie, spit-shine black Roper boots and usually khaki trousers (he threw us all for a loop this day by wearing jeans.) He was a curious character. The boy had a such dour world-view that one afternoon during lunch, it was decided that he should have been a motivational speaker. Later that afternoon, flyers of his mug shot with the slogan "Think Positive" suddenly began appearing around the 4th floor newsroom, in the elevators, in bathroom stalls, and so forth. Soon thereafter, a John Whitmire Day was declared, so those that were so inclined decided to do their best to dress like John. This photo is not a complete sampling of those that participated since news had to be reported and meetings had to be attended.

It was gallows humor, of a kind, but who could really blame us? None of us had received a pay raise in years, yet there we still were, though our ranks were beginning to turn over more rapidly. John's ambition in life was to live in a hotel and write cheap paperback novels about crime and detectives and other such Philip Marlowe-style prose.

During his second and last tour of duty at The Post, he accomplished the former, bunking at The Houston House downtown.

He wrote some novels, or at least took an honest stab at them, but never had one published to our knowledge before he suddenly passed away one night at his San Antonio apartment, after he joined the ranks of those fleeing the failing Post.

His wife, a lawyer whom he met while covering a story about the homeless in Houston (as we recall to the best of our recollection), reported to us that he complained of indigestion that night as they lay in bed. It was much more than that, as we now know, and he died on the operating table.
Personally, I should report that I first met John while stationed in the one-man Galveston bureau of The Houston Post in the early 1980s. I was the bureau chief (get it, one-man bureau?) and he was working at the newspaper in Texas City. We met at a regularly scheduled meeting of the Galveston Press Club, which essentially was a beer drinking bullshit session at someone's home. John introduced himself and mentioned a story I had written in The Post that he enjoyed reading. It was about a guy, George Pressley, who bore a resemblance to James Young, a guitarist/vocalist with the rock band Styx. Pressley managed to pass himself off as Young in the Hitchcock area of Galveston County and in due course was convicted of having sex with a 15-year-old girl "who fell prey to his charade," reported Rolling Stone magazine on Page 18 of the July 9, 1981 issue (Margot Kidder is on the cover.) I ran across a copy of that edition of Rolling Stone the other day while rummaging through old stuff, which included the photo above this posting, which led to what you're reading now.

I kept the copy of the magazine all these years since I authored the story in Rolling Stone, which was a rehash of the story I already wrote for The Post.

I probably should have given Whitmire a cut of the $350 fee that Rolling Stone gave me, since Whitmire suggested I should try to peddle the story to the fabled rock mag. Since I didn't cut Whitmire in on that deal, maybe this remembrance of him will make up for that. He'd prefer the cash, though.

Is Gary Kubiak Texan Toast?

The head coach of the Houston Texans admitted on KILT-AM Radio that it's a fair question.


And if you follow this sort of stuff, you may recall that former Pittsburgh Head Coach supposedly said recently that Houston is one team he'd like to coach. The specific word Cowher allegedly used is it would "excite" him to take over the Texans job.

As a football fan who began attending pro games as a youth back in the George Blanda Houston Oilers days of the old AFL, there is a sizeable percentage of Texans fans that not only would be excited to see Cower's spittle flying on the sideline while chewing out an underachieving local hero, they would damn near reach karmic consciousness.

It'd cost Texans owner Bob McNair, though. Maybe as much as $10 million a year, we read somewhere. That's a lot of money to coach a football team, but McNair has got to be pretty tired of losing.

What do you think?


Thursday, November 26, 2009

quote/unquote ...

"Nowadays, women have more education and enjoy working. Women are scary now."
-- Alex Fujita of Tokyo, in an NPR piece on Japan's "herbivores," guys who are heterosexual but who say they aren't really interested in matters of the flesh and eschew the macho ways of the traditional Japanese male.
"The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators."
-----Thomas Macauley (1800-1859)
"It was not certain. In goalkeeping, more than any other position, you are only as good as your last mistake. Trust is between the coach and the last man standing, and that presupposes that the goalie has the style, the personality and the authority that defenders in front of him also like and trust."
-- NY Times obit for Robert Enke, German national goalkeeper who committed suicide this week
"Get your facts straight, then you can distort as you please."
-- Mark Twain

(editor's note: this was compiled by Wilson in St. Louis.)

Monday, November 23, 2009

CONFIRMED! Parking scam across the street from Cowboys Stadium!!

A reader confirms our report on Oct. 27 that revealed a shocking scheme to trap budget-conscious motorists who attempt to avoid the overpriced parking fees at the fancy new Cowboys Stadium.


In the Oct. 27 post, we revealed that motorists had to fork over $300 to get their vehicles out of hock after parking at the new Wal-Mart across the street from the new football stadium in Arlington -- despite the fact there is no obvious signage warning citizens the lot is off-limits to patrons of Cowboys Stadium.


Today, we received the following e-mail:



Yep, just happened to me last weekend as well. Signs are on arlington streets and not in walmart parking lot. Towed and cost us 244.10. they even towed a shopper that wasn't attending the high school football game.

I asked walmart and they said they don't have anything to do with the towing, its the police department..yes the one that is hidden in the far right corner at the end of the lot. and yes the one that is paid by taxpayers...him, save the real crime of texas..illegal parking.

worst part is that they towed you to a building that a 2X2 shoebox for taking care of business, with no bathroom, no waiting room, number ticket system...and left us to stand in the rain for two hours while the service person took their sweet time taking money. Why would she care... its not her children out in the rain.

I am so over the cowboy stadium at this point, and will not support them in the future as its about the quality of arlington.

***


If I was an ambitious young person in the Arlington area who wanted desperately to do something noble in order to get attention to further my selfish political ambitions, I'd be all over this outrage like stink on shit (excuse my language.)

When football coaches go nuts


Mark Mangino, head coach of Kansas University, needs a chill pill. And maybe a "fuckin' hot dog."

In the ruins of a failing newspaper, a record album is born


As the once-proud flagship newspaper of the Hearst Corp. continues its descent into oblivion, a small story of hope, ingenuity and the creativity of the human spirit has emerged.

It seems Delfin Vigil, a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle, was laid off last spring, but well before his last day on the job, he discovered an abandoned room in the newspaper's basement that looked ideal for a recording studio.

As Baynewser reports:

It wasn't so much a company-sanctioned setup as it was that Vigil, looking for a quiet place to work amid the ongoing turmoil, discovered in the basement a back room (used to store book-review books) so isolated that one had to pass through another back room (used to store newspapers) to get to it. Nearby was a bevy of abandoned printing presses and vast rooms used mainly for storing long-forgotten detritus.

A perfect place to record rock 'n roll, soundproofing included. Vigil soon took it upon himself to secret bandmates and instruments into the building on nights and weekends for sessions. His only audience: a janitor, a security guard and book-review editor Oscar Villalon, who happily relinquished sole deed to the space.

"At first I just started bringing my guitar in to work, and would go down there when I could get away," Vigil told BayNewser. "Then I started bringing in microphones and recorders. I had a whole studio overnight. Heck, I had a fridge in there. And when it came time to record, Fifth and Mission is such an easy place for everybody to meet."

Vigil's editor, Joe Brown, delighted to see someone in the building actively embrace an alternative form of artistic expression, endorsed the effort. A different editor, however, got wind of what was happening, and, under auspices that the company needed to use the space, kicked Vigil out. "Up until the day I left, they never did use that space again," he said.

Observed Vigil: "The thing about that building is the people who built it had big dreams for the place," he said. "It still has a lot of soul -- it's just that the people who run the place find new and creative ways to suffocate it."




Thursday, November 19, 2009

Obama meets Major-Major

video


The feud between President Obama and Fox News is simmering down, as evidenced by this video, but there's still fence-mending to be done.

quote/unquote ...

"The truth is that every morning war is declared afresh. And the men who wish to continue it are as guilty as the men who began it, more guilty perhaps, for the latter perhaps did not foresee all its horrors."
----- Marcel Proust, novelist (1871-1922)
"Do not try to live for ever. You will not succeed."
---- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"The yells and animal noises which the nation listens to on the radio programme 'Today in Parliament' have nothing to do with disagreements about the way the country should be run, or how much fuel should be given to old age pensioners at Christmas time. They are cries of pain and anger, mingled with hatred and envy, at the spectacle of another group exercising the 'power' which the first group covets; alternatively, they are cries of alarm as the group in 'power' sees its territory threatened. Old age pensioners are mad if they think anyone actually cares about their wretched coal."
------- Auberon Waugh as political correspondent for The Spectator

(Editor's note: "quote/unquote" is compiled in St. Louis by Wilson, who is not on Facebook.)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Stimulating nonexistent congressional districts

There are 32 congressional districts in the great state of Texas and not a single on goes by the name of the 91st District of Texas, which received federal stimulus money that could just as easily be given to me, because I, in fact, do exist.


What the ... ?

Watchdog.org reports $6.4 billion in stimulus money has been sent to congressional districts that don't exist.

Texas Watch Dog reports $14.7 million went to phantom congressional districts in Texas.

Government says it's just a paperwork problem, a human error problem, some people don't know what congressional districts they live in when they're filling out forms and such.

Can't wait til the government runs the healthcare system.








Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bet John Cornyn can't do this

Monday, November 16, 2009

Bud $250K lighter for double rods display


A quarter million samoleans?

That's a lotta dough to lose for flipping the bird(s) at a sporting event, but when you're a role model like Bud Adams of Houston, who parlayed a $25,000 initial investment in the Houston Oilers into a team in Tennessee that's estimated now to be worth ONE BILLION dollars, it all comes out in the wash.


Bud Adams apologizes to everyone for Double Rods display yesterday

It seems like if you're 86 you shouldn't have to apologize for shooting the bird, but Bud Adams, owner of the Tennessee Titans, did anyway today.

Mr. Adams flashed double rods yesterday at the Buffalo Bills on the way to his team's convincing victory over the upstate New Yorkers, which of course was reported by the media because we all have the right to know such things.

We're not sure if this sinks his nomination for induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this year, but it probably didn't help.

(We've taken the position that since Ralph Wilson, the Buffalo owner, was approved for the Hall last year, Mr. Adams might as well be, too, even though we realize many Oiler fans don't care for the man. Even so, we blame then-Houston Mayor Bob Lanier for running Mr. Adams and the Oilers out of town back in the day since the powers-that-be eventually turned around and coughed up a lotta public money to build a stadium for the Texans. Oh well ...)

Anyway, Mr. Adams said his behavior was wrong, said a report from the Associated Press.

"I do realize that those types of things shouldn't happen," Adams said in a statement. "I need to specifically apologize to the Bills, their fans, our fans and the NFL. I obviously have a great deal of respect for Ralph Wilson and the history we have shared. I also understand there will probably be league discipline for my actions and I will accept those."

Whatever.
We still say, if you're 86, fuck it, you should be able to do shit sometimes without people clucking about it.






Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bud Adams gives Bills a Double Rods salute


From the Titans Insider blog:


Titans owner Bud Adams was mighty happy to see his team defeat the Bills on Sunday at LP Field.

The 86-year-old owner made an appearance on the sideline in the closing minutes, and even did a little dance as the Titans capped a 41–17 victory.

Then he turned toward the Buffalo sideline and gave the Bills the middle finger. Make that two middle fingers — Adams was using both hands.

Earlier, the native Texan flashed a "Hook em' horns" sign to fans in the West sideline seats.

It capped an eventful afternoon for Adams, who watched much of the game with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. It will be interesting to see if Goodell has any reaction to Adams' special salute to the Bills.

At least one Titan thought it was pretty funny.

"I don't know if he did it, but I condone fun things,'' cornerback Cortland Finnegan said. "If he was having fun doing it, then by all means, do what you do.''

Added Titans linebacker Stephen Tulloch: "He is a cool owner and it is good to see him around here supporting us. To have an owner like that, it's cool.''


Friday, November 06, 2009

Women's soccer? No pussies allowed!


"Fake AP Stylebook" may become a book


I've got two or three AP Stylebooks stuck in boxes around here. Not sure why I've kept them all these years. Probably should have paid more attention to them, looks like, cause now a couple of jakelegs have made up entries for a "Fake AP Stylebook" on Twitter that could become a book.

(Aside: What is an AP Stylebook? It's a book designed to answer questions about how to word stuff in a newspaper article. Reporters, in our experience, always have one handy but rarely refer to them, preferring to let editors change their copy "because that's why they're editors and that's what they're supposed to do.")

Anyway, Media Nation interviewed the founders of Fake AP Stylebook, if you want the full story.

What kind of journalistic style advice can you get from the Fake AP Stylebook?

Some examples:
* When referring to Lake Titicaca leave a lot of space afterwards for your readers to just laugh and laugh. (See also: "Ball State")

* For unnamed sources, agree on an attribution that gives the reader an idea of who it is. Ex.: "rhymes with President Bobama"

*Refer to him as "Infallible Supreme Leader of the United Smurflands" when he first appears in the article, then "Papa Smurf." afterwards.

*Always capitalize Satan. You don't want to get dead goats from those people.

* TIP: When covering City Council meetings, the Mayor is often the one wearing a large sash emblazoned with "MAYOR."




quote/unquote ...

"McKee is a longtime football fan. She is from Wisconsin. She had two statuettes of Brett Favre, the former Green Bay Packers quarterback, on her bookshelf. On the wall was a picture of a robust young man. It was McKee's son -- 19 years old, six-feet-three. If he had a chance to join the NFL, I asked her, what would she advise him? 'I'd say 'Don't. Not if you want to have a life after football.' "
--- "Offensive Play," The New Yorker, by Malcolm Gladwell, 10.09.09, referring to Ann McKee, who runs the neuropathology laboratory at the Veterans Administration hospital in Bedford, Mass.

"In the beginning, of course, there was the printing press."
--- first sentence of "Ranters and Corantos" by Richard Byrne, The Nation, Jan. 12, '09

"We're going to have a slow crawl in terms of a recovery. But the reason Warren Buffett is buying BNSF is a 10- to 20-year trend. For us near-term investors, it may seem curious. For him, the trajectory of the recovery over the next one or two years is irrelevant."
--- Matthew Troy, Citigroup analyst, about the 79-year-old Buffet buying the BNSF railroad

"It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor: for on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety."
--- Thomas De Quincey (1785-1859) in "Confessions of an Opium Eater"



(Editor's Note: Compiled, per usual, in St. Louis by Wilson, whose #2 son Lou recently was named the city's "Officer of the Year" in District 9. Keep your head down, Lou!)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

An omen?



You are familiar, I know, with various religous iconography that sometimes appear in unexpected places.

I never have experienced that personally.

But I swear to you that the above image appeared on the fence a few mornings ago. It's the fence on the east side of the house.

Obviously, the rays of the morning sun were bouncing off something and appearing on the weathered wood of the fence, but upon investigation it was unclear what in the Sam Hill was reflecting the light.

The photo, taken with an iPhone, was not enhanced at all on the computer I'm now tapping on. I do not know how and have never attempted to use the PhotoShop thing.

So I'm taking this as an omen. My life is just going to keep getting happier and happier.

That is all.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Here comes the Texas Tribune

The nonprofit digital newspaper launches tomorrow with a staff of 11 reporters who have abandoned their jobs with established daily newspapers.

Why'd they do that?

Well, some of them are making up to $90,000 per year, far more than the vast majority of their ink-stained brethren, according to this column by Howard Kurtz.